Abandoned

Abandoned. I wish these thoughts could be.

replaying in my head like a bad movie. It seems so weird of me to just relax now and again, because instead they linger, haunting me, leaving me tired and weak. I wish I could just get up and leave them, like my body warmth soaked deeply in a chair, but I am too jaded to forgive and too untrusting to forget. I live them, and no matter how much i try to just leave them behind me, they leech. Latching themselves like a needy child without a home. sucking out every last bit of life i have left.

I crawl to the closest thing i can hold on to, but they always somehow manage to pull me back. Twice as fast. Twice as strong.

I end up face down asking myself if its really nessasary to get back up again.

There honestly is no way to escape and theres no where i can hide. So I just lay there waiting for the next thought to come and steal the air right out of my mouth and replace it with dirt. Abandoned. I wish these thoughts could be.

John B. ( my favorite Drum And Bass artists EVER!!!!)

Over the past half year, i was introduced to the exhilarating world of Drum And Bass.... and ever since ive been absolutly in love with it. I normally would listen to "mainstream" music, like Screamo,Alternative,Rock and Death Metal, and i never really took the time to look up anything underground.( i've come to find that most underground is way better than any mainstream ive ever heard!) anyway, as i was being taught about this genre and coached in Djaying, i had been showed this awesome artist named John B, in consideration that i might enjoy his rock-ish taste! ( top right: John B. licking a cd he had named after his song "Russian Girls") I have been listening to his mixes and really studying his style in hopes that maybe I could be influenced by his work and someday Dj or create a mix similar to his style. I really have respect for him. He has played at Pirate Station and all the big events. my favorite songs are "Stalking You On Myspace" and "Red Sky". They both have a very nice amen break and a sweet bass line. He not only does Drum and Bass but also Trance,Electro, and punkrock! wow! talk about multi-tasked! look him up on youtube... im sure you will appreciate just as much as I do! and also check out his site http://www.john-b.com/

i love John B!
Junglist massive!

picture from: http://www.john-b.com/

"I Will Stay" He said.

I looked at him once last time before my eyes rivered in tears.
I couldnt hold them back any longer. warm fat tears came streaming out like an angry waterfall.
I stood there frozen in his grasp.
"I am so sorry, I can not live without you, please don't leave, I dont know what id do without you, Im so sorry, please dont lea --..."

"Shhhh." he held me close, hushing me softly.
I pulled him in towards me, closer than ever before, so afraid to let go.
I obeyed his wish, quieting my tears into his arms that were tightly secured around me.
" please tell me you will stay....." I said as I felt his heartbeat against my cheek.
He took his hand and slowly raised my head up to his lips, kissing me gently.

He too began to cry just alittle as he looked into my eyes and said, "For the sun in my heart will never shine so brightly without your love and the stars in my eyes will never again glisten without your touch. You are my life and my soul and without you, I too, am lifeless and dull.". His eyes passionately fixated, he softly leaned his forehead on mine and slowly whispered," I will stay, my love. I will stay."

He loves Me, He loves me not

For such a handsome being as him to lay upon my bed is breathtaking. so beautiful in his form. I watch him as he dreams. Does he dream of me? I'll never know. Beside him is a rose I left, to ensure him he will forever be mine. but I wonder if it will mean anything to him, anything at all. I dare not awake him. I linger at the bed side just observing him once more. Oh how remarkably beautiful he is! The mornings light shines through the window pane kissing his face as it illuminates his every feature. When he awakes i will know. He loves me, He loves me not.

Alone In The End ( Taken For Granted)

Thoughout my life I've gone through many things,
I've walked down different paths with many different people and what Ive realized is that in the long run you always end up where you started. Its almost like its choreographed or something. Someone or something new happens,they are the greatest thing that ever happened to you for a few weeks, the excitement dies down, then your right back where you started, alone. Now I know that may seem alittle on the "emo" side but lets think it over for a second. whenever a new oppertunity comes to play in your life your first reaction is to be excited( for most of us we are excited but we tend to hold back with alittle concerned observation.) It then becomes the new "oh my gosh, its so awesome!" stage where we cant stop thinking/talking about it for weeks on end. Then sadly what I've seen happen a lot after that is as soon as we feel comfortable with it, we take it for granted, expecting it to always be there ( or in another words the "Oh my gosh" moment suddenly becomes the "yah, Its pretty cool and all.." moment) and what used to be the main topic of your everyday conversation has shriveled dramaticly to just a pass time chat topic.
As sad as it may seem this happens all the time. I've witnessed it happen to more people than just myself, and you know what im talking about, the "almighty hot and spicy" relationship between two people that has them just dying to embrace and fulfill their most intimate and passionate thoughts/feelings/actions towards eachother that slowly dies into a "yah, I remember those times..." or a "He never says/does that anymore" kind of relationship.
What I mean by that is, the kind of relationship where you've done everything that could ever be done, you've said all there is to say, what was once your favorite traits are now your worst pet peeve, and you have somehow found yourself sick of eachother to the point of where if it came down to you having to look at his or her face again, you'd get manic depressive from the lack of excitment or change. That is what i mean by " the excitement dying down". which brings me to my conclusion of "ending up right back where you started" meaning in the end, you are at block one. you are alone and by yourself looking for some sort of change to happen just as you once did, alone and taken for granted.

The"L" Word

Wow! Its such a pretty thing!
No matter where I go, it always seems to find me!
I appreciate it greatly, I love it like the rain!
such a pretty word, i know this because
its the "L" word!
and the "L" word is love!

My Swamp Monster

My Dear Swamp Monster,



Even though you are homely to the world, you are still pretty to me. Sitting as I, a lonely soul, you examine nature's beauty. A sweet flower in which you've found in even the ugliest of places i know, you still tend to love it as if it were yours, making your heart its' home.
I see in you, your innocence, where your young ways still live strong, and that sweet little flower is me, loyal to you all along. I will forever be your friend,as you to I.
You, my dear swamp monster, I will describe,
a gentle creature at heart and a innocent at mind.