Spirit (Seeker)

As I've aged, many have asked me when I think it will be that we will rise once again and  return "home" also to hear that sweet music of  perfection that will be shed upon our ears. I pitty for I can never answer them undoubtfully and I am not knowledged of any "home". To ask of me that would be equivalent to asking when the moon will fall or when the Earth will stand still. Not a single answer comes to mind without the words " I do not know" occupying them. I too want to know these answers but question thier logicality.
Is it right of me? Do I know but subconsiously keep them hidden until time reveals them?
still and yet sadly, I ponder. Puzzled at such a thought. The only thing I have come along in my years have been the lessons that life has taught me, my history and my present, strugglement and success but still no answer of my future beyond my reach. Does it lay upon the stars? Is it a destiny that I havent yet crossed? Does it twirl between the fingers of Greenman and Luna?  Does it even exsist? I question and still no answer. I know what my heart believes and I know what my mind understands but still none of which my soul answers. Is this too much or too little of me to ever figure? I'm sure I wont know for a very long time, if ever, or atleast until proven otherwise.

Intertwined

Today, we intertwined.

Our souls were one.

His arms around me in a secure embrace, we slept.

His cheek lay upon my chest, my heartbeats his lullaby.

Soft and still his skin, filling in my every curve. Breaths unite us.

so confident he surrounded me.

wrapped around me like a protecter.

His sweet dreamers' smile shown through. At that very moment, We were no longer individual. The peace and love in which we slept, amalgamated us. We felt such tranquility and wholeness as we were.

Never thought I to be in such a astonishing happening.

I felt as if the word "I" were no longer nessassary and that it should be replaced with "we" eternally and so on.

My heart is his, my blood and veins we share, my eyes we look through and my love is ours.

And still, even as his presence (that at this moment I am without),we are and forever will be..one.

World Of Mine

World of mine

you have failed me.

Left me broken and battered.

Am I not what you wanted?

Do I not meet your needs?

You, my world, were suppost to be everything I envisioned.

seems to me it can only be a dream.

I need you and you are nowhere to be found.

I can not find you so ive given up.

Am I not strong enough?

Am I not what you seek for?

World of mine

Am I only but allowed one mere moment of happiness

 before it is stolen once more?

Do I deter you from giving me a chance?

Need i hunger so much more that it kills me?

World of mine

What do you want of me?

what must I give up?

Do you want me beaten and battered

before I recieve what I've asked of you?

How much more shall I take before losing it all completely?

Please. Enlighten me.

Before its too late.

 World of mine

you have failed me.

Alone( Dead Like Winter)

Inside, I feel alone.
Deserted. Bereft. Left behind. I want so badly to hold on to someone but I am afraid they'd just fall right through me. I am seperated and in need. I reach out like a child would to its mother in desperate times, but only cold responds. I cry, not knowing what has happened but only what i feel. In yearning for that comforting hug, I wait, soon to realize I am the only one there. Tired eyes become home to quiet tears. Quiet like dead winter. I just want to have someone hold me,caress me close, rocking me slowly like a sleepy infant, hushing my cries sweetly. I want to feel the warmth of someone and finally feel like i have somewhat of a grip. I want to feel confident enough that as soon as i fall asleep, it wont just slip away from me forever. Upon that sleep I want to stay, where someones' gentle-sweet but assuring voice soothes me honestly, comfirming its presence and promise to never leave me. I want it to break this feeling of forlorn and deprivity before The Cloaked One comes.  Leaving me alone and dead...dead like winter.

Ever So Alive

Past your stare I see so much more. Through my soul I wish it would stay. I have gone too long without it, and everyone knows,so much as a touch could kill you or so they say. Such a powerful thing knows not of choice but only of destiny.To live or destroy it commands. Is it I whom it must contain itself within or has it not room to spare another chance? Mother earth knows far more than we can ever speak and she holds the last decision in the end. To hope and want, as much as i do, would be like a dream too easy to understand.
So, look at me once more. let me see past the stare of your eyes. Give me the thing ive hoped for all along.
And let your love make me feel ever so alive.

Disappear

In a dream, I once found myself here.
Not saying a word, for silence had hushed me. I sat alone. Thinking about everything and how it had affected me over the years. My eyes followed my thoughts, like patterns in the snow. One to another and no one to answer them but me. The branches webbed across eachother like my emotions, each one different but yet they all ended in the same place. Equally as painful. Laced in shadows, they reminded me of myself. Quietly standing, patiently waiting to overcome their selves someday but still getting nowhere. All in this time,  i said nothing. Just observed the things around me as if they were mine. wishing I could become them so that one day all my fears and worries would like me,......Disappear.

Being A Ninja

I have to say that ever since seeing the "Ninja Assassin” movie, I fell in love with ninjas. I have always been a vampire kind of chick with the fast fights and the furious blood draining but when I entered the world of ninjas, I suddenly had the urge to buy and wear a 10 dollar Wal-Mart ninja costume(complete with mask and ninja stars)and slither my way through the Ramen isle dodging oncoming customers. crazy.....maybe. fun.....u better know it! I have even gone to the length of going to the library and getting books on ninjas and ninjutsu. wow, right? surprisingly enough, I've even picked up the knack for Tai-Chi and working out. once again, wow. my dream now is to become a ninja (or at least in my eyes…as close as I can get.) I have the ambition just one problem: where the hell am I gonna find a ninjutsu master in the middle of Arizona?.....yah....I couldn’t answer that either. Oh well, I guess I can learn many martial arts and become my own ninja. I think it might look funny being a 16 year old Caucasian chick with glasses. Although I have been told by many people I look Asian. I am tiny and slender enough plus the slanty eyes. Geez!..... of course it got to be the outcome I expected. lol. I'm not sure if my sudden interest is legit or if its just a boredom passer time but either way, I’m excited for what will become of it.