So Close To Perfection( I Can Almost Be It)

Today, I rested upon him. The room lit so perfectly as the shadows kissed his face.
Hands layed gently across his chest.
This feeling I had I will never forget. His warm, smooth skin against my palms-
repeatedly moving softly as he breathed. My fingertips nestled themselves in between his breast so calm.
The most beautiful of all was his heartbeat, making itself known beneath my touch. So rhythmic and alive. At this moment, I wanted nothing more than to breathe him into me as if he were air.
To become him permanently.I wanted to be as close as I could ever be. Feeling so, I moved my hand over his left breast and felt the only thing keeping him alive. It felt as though i was holding his heart in my hands.I then closed my eyes, took a deep breath pushing closer to him, and let myself believe i was him. kissing and breathing in sync with him as if his lungs were my own. His warmth became mine. I realized at that moment what it truly felt to be so close to perfection I could almost be it.

Change

There is a change in the air, i can feel it. Everything is coming together at once. people are reconnecting and such weird things have been happening lately. The stars must be in line or maybe its this lunar eclipse, I'm not sure but there is definitely a chance of change. I also have been acting really out of character as far as emotions have gone. i don't understand what has possessed me to do so but its really strange. for example, I have somehow psychically connected with my step grandmother whom, for a few really f***ed up reasons, I lost connection with a year ago. I was in the middle of something important when all the sudden it hit me and all i could think about was her and so i called her and reconnected. During this phone call,she said she had been thinking of me almost periodically and it was really getting to her so much that she was thinking about calling me. Just little things like that that make me see things evolving. i do however, have a feeling that they are for the best, whether you call it positive energy or maybe karma or whatever floats your boat but something is changing quickly.i don't know. I'm curious to any comments you guys might have..hit me up :)

Perfect ( to my special someone)

To be with you is perfect.
I once thought id never love again, but somehow you have proven me wrong.
I can feel your honesty just through the way you hold on to me.
its priceless and i cant resist but to hold on too.
For so long, i ve been talking about "coming home" and i never thought id find it, but once again you proved me wrong.
I found it with you.
the funny thing is i knew of you all along and you were standing right infront of me this whole time,
but i was too damaged to see you clearly, so i never noticed until now.
I can finally say that ive got a reason to keep holding on to that river bank,to keep sailing until i find dock, to see that light shine through,to find that scarecrow,and to hold on to whats truely mine atlast (reference to past writings of mine).
It feels so wierd to finally feel this. all these years ive done nothing but give and i am finally being given to. it almost is difficult for me to take your love because its been quite awhile since ive seen honest love from someone other than the expected ( not to sound like im taking anyone for granted or anything. no harm ment.)
i can not explain this. it is almost like i can see my future layed out in front of me without really trying.
i love this, but at the same time i understand that things dont always last forever and they can change at any given moment. but for some reason i can see everything will go just as planned. i have a feeling that everything will be...perfect.

New Love

You, my love, are like a dream.


A dream so pleasant, that not one soul would wish to wake from it.

Your eyes, bright as the morning’s sunrise, reflecting along the slow river currents.

They shine life into me, bringing me to my center.

They alone express words unspoken.

Your lips, so soft, like sweet breezes rustling through daisy fields.

So sure of themselves, knowing exactly when to linger.

Caressing beauty, they hold on to every opportunity that awaits.

Your touch, so alive like the blue jay singing in the trees.

So soothing and perfect with every passing moment.

It flows so passionately and intrigues me so.

Your voice, so luring, like the night sky

Surrounding me, something I can look up to as a home to my dreams.

With each word, I can imagine a perfect promise like the stars lighting my path.

And I know if I were to close my eyes at this very second, you’d be with me.

To show me the way, to bring me to life and give me the gift of this dream.

Your love.

A new Love.

The Runaway Forest

Scarecrow,Scarecrow find me, find me.
I've run to hide in the woods,so quick and quietly.
I do not want to see the sun,
It scares me more than anyone.
Raven,Raven Please come back,
to your tree branches shadowed black.
Hurry hurry,before dawn.
I do not want to be alone.
Moonlight Moonlight, shine on down.
light this path on filthy grounds.
show yourself, dimmed and pale.
to soon grow old and state your will.
Shadows,Shadows, my unearthly friends.
please stay here in comfort again.
hide me from that blazing sun.
Let me see not of what its done.
Owl, Owl, observant and wise,
perch above me and and tell me why
to not fear today or tommorows skies,
to fly forth with open eyes.
Scarecrow Scarecrow, Have you not found me yet?
Look further and you will see me, i bet.
Come and stay with me, i will show you no harm.
I promise to love you and enjoy our new home.
Raven,shadows and moonlight Owl, keep us company for awhile.
Until that sun returns its face, we will live without its name.
In this forest of simple dreams,to rewake and repeat yet another day.

Heart Eater

You do not want me, and I know it.

I can't stand it, you must be mine.

I want to eat your heart.

Torn from your chest with a knife. 

Looking at my reflelction

Smearing down, it runs.

so beautiful, I envy

Cut it from you til im done.

There, I will hold it in my hands, beating still

From the hole I created, satin red.

crying to myself, accomplished

to replace mine, broken wilted, dead

To the once life that rushed through it.

The blood will be my wine.

With every tare, my console.

So bitterly divine.

Now, you will be with me forever.

I have clearly nothing to fear.

The more I eat, the better.

To finish you my dear.

I truely will enjoy each piece ,

between my trembling lips.

Chewing away at what i wished was mine.

 my sweet cadaver sits.

piece by piece, devoured.

sickening feelings arise.

wished i could have done better

i cut from the inside

Quietly observing, 

The best taste that ive ever tried

Satisfy an urge, .

No longer confined  .

.

Only within minutes

The closest I ever got

I havent miss one part, (i promise).

And I do not want to stop.

You will love me within time,(I swear it).

Inevitably against your will.

Time to take another bite (to cure it)

The message of the kill.

I feel you drown inside me.

My unforgettable high.

Now you will love me forever.

And forever you are mine.

_xx Heart Eater xx_

Guilty

I am guilty. Not of crime but of hope.
Hope that someday someone somewhere will reach out to me without being told to.
I want to share my everything, but its kind of hard with people who only care about themselves.
Im not saying i do everything right but i would at least like to have acknowledgement.
i get so tired of waiting for people to do this or do that, or begginhg them for months on end.
By that time, i already have it in my mind that the person doesnt care and i should just give up trying.
i dont mean to sound sad and im sorry if i do. I just get so weak waiting for someone to finally have a legit concern about the things im interested in or the things i do and say. I do the same for them. almost border line excited when they tell me something theyve done.... why cant they do it for me? Am i boring? does no one really care to begin with?
I dont know why and i dont really care how but will someone somewhere someday...acknowledge me?