Familiar skin

Recently, I have been trying to find myself underneath all the weight life throws on me. Subconsciously i know I'm there, but i need to bring myself to the surface again. Fresh breath of air, gasp, and then reacquaint myself in my own skin.I can almost feel it but not quite enough to fully take hold. There are still some corners I have yet to fill out. Strangers of my own that i must find in the fog and bring home.Shadows I must bring to light. I cant wait to feel completely alive again. I cant wait to feel familiar to myself instead of being an "outsider looking in". I can't wait to finally get a chance of waking up to my own feet. To finally sink down into the dirt between my toes of my once familar trail and come home as nothing but me.

The World

Such a perfect day to say the least. I have woken up to the sun. another day to see the most of what I didn’t need to change. So relaxing and calm I fell into myself once more to watch the day go by me. No pressure to show myself and face the world. I found myself quite comfortable in such a place as myself, air to breathe, things to see, voices to hear, and yet no pressure to interact. I felt at home at last. I wish everyday were like this. I have realized much more than I ever have before, being the observer. I learned how this world can quietly spin without a single thought. I could hold my breath and yet it would still turn. In a way, its beautiful. To know that you are not in complete control. Just a simple life in the gigantic works of the universe. Waiting and watching for that sun come to come up and greet you again.

Lips So Tyrant

I never knew that the same soft lips i kiss everyday, could spit such tyranny back at me. I used to think of them as home but now i cant seem to find a single ounce of familiarity.I don't think they know me anymore. They speak so foolishly of me, pointing out my every wrong just to break the silence. I then go about this asking if it is me who is to blame? No. it couldn't be. Not me. i wonder what they say when I'm not around. Do they yearn for me or do they long for yet another one of my absences? I fear to say it has gotten harder to tell. I cant seem to comprehend why i cant make them smile. I have done everything. everything i thought right and so little of what i thought wrong. Once again I am left to wonder if it is me. I know in the end its going to be difficult to believe them. Their words mean nothing when the damage is done. How much longer must i be poisoned by them? How much more before they suck me dry? such harsh concepts, i know, but one cannot recover from such reoccurring odds. I'm sure i cant keep doing this forever. whether it kills me, I'll never know. If it does, I'm sure they'll be the first to know. I'd like to say i am lucky enough to beat the facts, but like always, cold hard honesty comes to steal the win right from under me. by this point, there is no turning back. What is done is done. and what said is heard. whether or not ill forever be on the receiving end ill never know. for such lips i once knew, they ll never again feel like home.

KEANE Bedshaped http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b61EeXnwpLA&feature=fvw

The true Hide And Seek

Love.

The Perfect Day 12/21/10

Today has been like no other day i had before.(well,It started off kinda dreadful but......it got better as it went on).Anyways like i was saying, today was a miracle in the making.I slept in and when i woke up, i got to open a fresh gallon of milk(always a plus!!! i love milk!)
then i got on FruityLoops Studio 9 (a music making program on my computer)and made an awesome Trance song called "Everlastin" ( yes... i know it has no G. it was the way i intended it to be). continuing on, i got dressed and actually looked somewhat fabulous. Normally, something will be messed up in someway, whether it's my hair, weight or clothes. but no, not today, everything seemed perfect. afterwards my grandmother hooked me up with my first credit card. quite awesome, right!!! then we went to Olive Garden where we had a very cute waiter..*smiles* he gave us extra mints!! yay! When i got home i cleaned up my whole room and my lover called asking if he could come over today(which was also very nice because neither of us expected to be able to see each other today due to business with chores and holiday stuff). so he came over right as i got done with my room. He's always had perfect timing!! he had played a little prank on me involving a flaming incense stick(that oddly looked just like the one i randomly decided to use today for nice effects). i thought it quite clever but i know I'll never live it down the way i reacted. *embarrassed shrug*. he had brought over some bead kits which we made lizard key chains(so awesome because we rarely- to -never have anything in common that we can do). It caused us to bond in a way i never thought possible. we laughed and shared interesting conversation topics. My grandmother made the perfect dinner of breaded chicken and vegetable lasagna. ( it tasted SO good).We watched "A Bug's Life" and snuggled until it was over. like i said, today was by far the most perfect day I've ever had.... and I'm sure there will be more to come.

something funny

so my grandmother and i were in target returning some trash bags that were the wrong size gallon. we returned them,walked around, got stuff and went to ring it up. so the cashier(whom i will not name for privacy reasons)is talking to himself. He seems really happy and giggly. i asked him who/ what he was talking to. so he smiled and said"oh just talking to myself." he laughed and i replied with "Yah i do that too sometimes." so my grandmother was looking for the card she uses normally for target and she asked me. " hey you wheres the card i just got?" "help me find it." she said followed by some jokes about how much she hates spongebob.I was wearing spongebob pajama pants and t shirt. ( dont ask me, it felt like one of those days). so he was like "What?! spongebob is amazing!" my grandmother still joking about how its an inatimate object and how sponges dont actually live and talk abd breathe.So the cashier and i were both like "aww...what?" and favoring spongebob right, i said " Spongebob is The Bomb digadee!he agreed with me multiple times. she was comparing him to Barney The Dinosaur. both the cashier and i were like " no you did not just compare barney and spongebob!!" laughing as we discussed our great likeing for the bob that is a sponge.she said " yah every time we get in the car she starts singin the damn song until i finish it and if i dont she keeps singing it over and over again" the cashier laughed a hearty laugh. all the sudden my grandma says the most hilarious epic thing ever....ready?? she goes " well atleast dinosaurs are real unlike sponges!" the ladies behind us in line looking like thier trying not to crack up in laughter. so finally one of the ladies said " what did she say, dinosaurs are real??" we all started laughing histerically. we couldn't stop long enough to breathe for air. so the lady asked my grandmother " so dinosaurs are real?" and my grandmother replied with " Yah Thier just in hiding" then the whole Target starts laughing. i put our stuff in the cart and the lady smiles and says "well you just keep singing". we smiled and left while i sang "ooooh who lives in a pineapple under the sea?".i could hear them laughing as we walked out. we found the car in the parking lot and put our stuff away. we were driving off to go home and i couldnt help but just laugh like crazy from what had just happened. so she says "well why do you think the japanese made those movies? for no reason?" and i replied " yes." simply giggling.
so se said yah. their hiding in the forest and the japanese fought them off with sticks ( were talking Dionsaurs here!)i just kept laughing and laughing. we got home and she went into the backyard and i was like " Hey did ya find any dinosaurs back there? do i need to sharpen some sticks or should i ask the japanese?!" from that point on it was no turning back for air. ohhh, this was by far the best day ever!!!