Submerged

The water is running.

The depth, increasing as I strip and lay.

My ears become full as it takes its first embrace

My conscious head sinks and I begin to hear nothing -

but blurs of the world below that awaits.

Silence starts to surround me, making its way through me

to find its resting place-

while human thoughts subside.

Weight pulling me deeper

as I become a part of this.

At rest - I am.

They cannot find me here.

A safe place of the unknown.

My haven of currents,

My liquid sanctuary,

My humble asylum.

I am at peace now-

but they disagree.

I begin to fear

their eager hands,

abruptly grasping before i am ready.

Breaking the silence-

Only just to speak of thier selfish prominences.

smothering me with thier unjust skin

and defiant ears, hearing only what they wish,

with tyrant toungues that speak so harsh and loud.

But they do not understand.

I am submerged for a reason-

to escape from them in their greed.

but i shall not let it wake me.

Unconsiousness is too precious.

It must not break me.

vulnerable yet so serene

at the bottom I lay.

Submerged from the human world that simply was too much to carry.

Familiar skin

Recently, I have been trying to find myself underneath all the weight life throws on me. Subconsciously i know I'm there, but i need to bring myself to the surface again. Fresh breath of air, gasp, and then reacquaint myself in my own skin.I can almost feel it but not quite enough to fully take hold. There are still some corners I have yet to fill out. Strangers of my own that i must find in the fog and bring home.Shadows I must bring to light. I cant wait to feel completely alive again. I cant wait to feel familiar to myself instead of being an "outsider looking in". I can't wait to finally get a chance of waking up to my own feet. To finally sink down into the dirt between my toes of my once familar trail and come home as nothing but me.

The World

Such a perfect day to say the least. I have woken up to the sun. another day to see the most of what I didn’t need to change. So relaxing and calm I fell into myself once more to watch the day go by me. No pressure to show myself and face the world. I found myself quite comfortable in such a place as myself, air to breathe, things to see, voices to hear, and yet no pressure to interact. I felt at home at last. I wish everyday were like this. I have realized much more than I ever have before, being the observer. I learned how this world can quietly spin without a single thought. I could hold my breath and yet it would still turn. In a way, its beautiful. To know that you are not in complete control. Just a simple life in the gigantic works of the universe. Waiting and watching for that sun come to come up and greet you again.

Lips So Tyrant

I never knew that the same soft lips i kiss everyday, could spit such tyranny back at me. I used to think of them as home but now i cant seem to find a single ounce of familiarity.I don't think they know me anymore. They speak so foolishly of me, pointing out my every wrong just to break the silence. I then go about this asking if it is me who is to blame? No. it couldn't be. Not me. i wonder what they say when I'm not around. Do they yearn for me or do they long for yet another one of my absences? I fear to say it has gotten harder to tell. I cant seem to comprehend why i cant make them smile. I have done everything. everything i thought right and so little of what i thought wrong. Once again I am left to wonder if it is me. I know in the end its going to be difficult to believe them. Their words mean nothing when the damage is done. How much longer must i be poisoned by them? How much more before they suck me dry? such harsh concepts, i know, but one cannot recover from such reoccurring odds. I'm sure i cant keep doing this forever. whether it kills me, I'll never know. If it does, I'm sure they'll be the first to know. I'd like to say i am lucky enough to beat the facts, but like always, cold hard honesty comes to steal the win right from under me. by this point, there is no turning back. What is done is done. and what said is heard. whether or not ill forever be on the receiving end ill never know. for such lips i once knew, they ll never again feel like home.

KEANE Bedshaped http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b61EeXnwpLA&feature=fvw

The true Hide And Seek

Love.

The Perfect Day 12/21/10

Today has been like no other day i had before.(well,It started off kinda dreadful but......it got better as it went on).Anyways like i was saying, today was a miracle in the making.I slept in and when i woke up, i got to open a fresh gallon of milk(always a plus!!! i love milk!)
then i got on FruityLoops Studio 9 (a music making program on my computer)and made an awesome Trance song called "Everlastin" ( yes... i know it has no G. it was the way i intended it to be). continuing on, i got dressed and actually looked somewhat fabulous. Normally, something will be messed up in someway, whether it's my hair, weight or clothes. but no, not today, everything seemed perfect. afterwards my grandmother hooked me up with my first credit card. quite awesome, right!!! then we went to Olive Garden where we had a very cute waiter..*smiles* he gave us extra mints!! yay! When i got home i cleaned up my whole room and my lover called asking if he could come over today(which was also very nice because neither of us expected to be able to see each other today due to business with chores and holiday stuff). so he came over right as i got done with my room. He's always had perfect timing!! he had played a little prank on me involving a flaming incense stick(that oddly looked just like the one i randomly decided to use today for nice effects). i thought it quite clever but i know I'll never live it down the way i reacted. *embarrassed shrug*. he had brought over some bead kits which we made lizard key chains(so awesome because we rarely- to -never have anything in common that we can do). It caused us to bond in a way i never thought possible. we laughed and shared interesting conversation topics. My grandmother made the perfect dinner of breaded chicken and vegetable lasagna. ( it tasted SO good).We watched "A Bug's Life" and snuggled until it was over. like i said, today was by far the most perfect day I've ever had.... and I'm sure there will be more to come.