Ever So Alive

Past your stare I see so much more. Through my soul I wish it would stay. I have gone too long without it, and everyone knows,so much as a touch could kill you or so they say. Such a powerful thing knows not of choice but only of destiny.To live or destroy it commands. Is it I whom it must contain itself within or has it not room to spare another chance? Mother earth knows far more than we can ever speak and she holds the last decision in the end. To hope and want, as much as i do, would be like a dream too easy to understand.
So, look at me once more. let me see past the stare of your eyes. Give me the thing ive hoped for all along.
And let your love make me feel ever so alive.

Disappear

In a dream, I once found myself here.
Not saying a word, for silence had hushed me. I sat alone. Thinking about everything and how it had affected me over the years. My eyes followed my thoughts, like patterns in the snow. One to another and no one to answer them but me. The branches webbed across eachother like my emotions, each one different but yet they all ended in the same place. Equally as painful. Laced in shadows, they reminded me of myself. Quietly standing, patiently waiting to overcome their selves someday but still getting nowhere. All in this time,  i said nothing. Just observed the things around me as if they were mine. wishing I could become them so that one day all my fears and worries would like me,......Disappear.

Being A Ninja

I have to say that ever since seeing the "Ninja Assassin” movie, I fell in love with ninjas. I have always been a vampire kind of chick with the fast fights and the furious blood draining but when I entered the world of ninjas, I suddenly had the urge to buy and wear a 10 dollar Wal-Mart ninja costume(complete with mask and ninja stars)and slither my way through the Ramen isle dodging oncoming customers. crazy.....maybe. fun.....u better know it! I have even gone to the length of going to the library and getting books on ninjas and ninjutsu. wow, right? surprisingly enough, I've even picked up the knack for Tai-Chi and working out. once again, wow. my dream now is to become a ninja (or at least in my eyes…as close as I can get.) I have the ambition just one problem: where the hell am I gonna find a ninjutsu master in the middle of Arizona?.....yah....I couldn’t answer that either. Oh well, I guess I can learn many martial arts and become my own ninja. I think it might look funny being a 16 year old Caucasian chick with glasses. Although I have been told by many people I look Asian. I am tiny and slender enough plus the slanty eyes. Geez!..... of course it got to be the outcome I expected. lol. I'm not sure if my sudden interest is legit or if its just a boredom passer time but either way, I’m excited for what will become of it.

Sweet Darkness ( Mother Night)

She crawls amongst the ground, luring the moonlight to her.

Low to the earth she watches, waiting for a chance to slither across the eyes of midnight. Only then does she elegantly dance within the winds, carrying her through the trees. she moans like ghosts through the branches, rustling the leaves that follow. So beautiful, she is welcomed upon the the dark horizon. she sweeps past the bats, basking in her mystery. Pastels of maroon lead her to embrace the stars, dimly lighting her path. The Earth stands still in her seduction. so beautiful, sweet darkness, mother night, has come.

Shattered Dreams And One Last Hope For A Shooting Star

Quietly, I sat upon the river bank where it met the bridge line, the water so deep and dark. I let my hand glide over the surface, trying not to break its unity, but the ripples convincingly tore it away from me once more. How long since I last saw a glimpse of my own reflection?
I guess only the years could answer that.
The river undoubtfully holds so many of my memories that its becoming too murky to look through.
The only reflection I could see was the dark skies looming over it like a slow death waiting in the shadows.
Has it really been that long? Have I really gone amiss with my dreams, so much as to which they've become weak and shattered? The soil beneath my feet poisoned the pigment of my ever white skin. smearing, as the wind slowly hissed around them. atlast, the only thing that lingered was my one last deserate hope to see a shooting star in those ever so gloomy clouds of grey.

Bubbles

This is my emo Bubbles. He is cute and small. Sometimes I feed him nachos but he always wants ham instead. I dont how our friendship came to be except for his lovable obsession with soap and twisty slides, and coloring books with crayons. All are fun when you have a little buddy like bubbles.
one night he got scared so i let him sleep in my room with me. I gave him one of my T-shirts so he could keep warm. im not sure what to do with his hair though, i guess this lil guy kinda has his own little unique style. Either way, he's adorable. I know that I can always find him because where ever he goes, he leaves a trail of bubble soap on the floor. not very easy to clean up may i add.
i have realized that hes taught me a valuable lesson that ill never forget, to be happy with what you have and accept what you dont. I can say that hes very smart because i live by that moral now eachday and seems to make so much sense. Thank you little bubbles!

Hold Me Like Never Before

He lays there, with his head on my shoulder.

sleeping so beautifully, he breathes softly against my skin. I can feel his arms tender embrace. He holds me and the line between him and I becomes blurred.

I am so close to him that I could almost become him. I love it. His heartbeat makes itself known against my chest. I breathe in, he breathes out. So in sync with eachother, its meant to be, I just know it. With his warmth, I will never again go cold. With him, I will never again be uncomplete. He is lost within a dream. dream on sweet one, dream on...and hold me like never before.

Abandoned

Abandoned. I wish these thoughts could be.

replaying in my head like a bad movie. It seems so weird of me to just relax now and again, because instead they linger, haunting me, leaving me tired and weak. I wish I could just get up and leave them, like my body warmth soaked deeply in a chair, but I am too jaded to forgive and too untrusting to forget. I live them, and no matter how much i try to just leave them behind me, they leech. Latching themselves like a needy child without a home. sucking out every last bit of life i have left.

I crawl to the closest thing i can hold on to, but they always somehow manage to pull me back. Twice as fast. Twice as strong.

I end up face down asking myself if its really nessasary to get back up again.

There honestly is no way to escape and theres no where i can hide. So I just lay there waiting for the next thought to come and steal the air right out of my mouth and replace it with dirt. Abandoned. I wish these thoughts could be.

John B. ( my favorite Drum And Bass artists EVER!!!!)

Over the past half year, i was introduced to the exhilarating world of Drum And Bass.... and ever since ive been absolutly in love with it. I normally would listen to "mainstream" music, like Screamo,Alternative,Rock and Death Metal, and i never really took the time to look up anything underground.( i've come to find that most underground is way better than any mainstream ive ever heard!) anyway, as i was being taught about this genre and coached in Djaying, i had been showed this awesome artist named John B, in consideration that i might enjoy his rock-ish taste! ( top right: John B. licking a cd he had named after his song "Russian Girls") I have been listening to his mixes and really studying his style in hopes that maybe I could be influenced by his work and someday Dj or create a mix similar to his style. I really have respect for him. He has played at Pirate Station and all the big events. my favorite songs are "Stalking You On Myspace" and "Red Sky". They both have a very nice amen break and a sweet bass line. He not only does Drum and Bass but also Trance,Electro, and punkrock! wow! talk about multi-tasked! look him up on youtube... im sure you will appreciate just as much as I do! and also check out his site http://www.john-b.com/

i love John B!
Junglist massive!

picture from: http://www.john-b.com/

"I Will Stay" He said.

I looked at him once last time before my eyes rivered in tears.
I couldnt hold them back any longer. warm fat tears came streaming out like an angry waterfall.
I stood there frozen in his grasp.
"I am so sorry, I can not live without you, please don't leave, I dont know what id do without you, Im so sorry, please dont lea --..."

"Shhhh." he held me close, hushing me softly.
I pulled him in towards me, closer than ever before, so afraid to let go.
I obeyed his wish, quieting my tears into his arms that were tightly secured around me.
" please tell me you will stay....." I said as I felt his heartbeat against my cheek.
He took his hand and slowly raised my head up to his lips, kissing me gently.

He too began to cry just alittle as he looked into my eyes and said, "For the sun in my heart will never shine so brightly without your love and the stars in my eyes will never again glisten without your touch. You are my life and my soul and without you, I too, am lifeless and dull.". His eyes passionately fixated, he softly leaned his forehead on mine and slowly whispered," I will stay, my love. I will stay."

He loves Me, He loves me not

For such a handsome being as him to lay upon my bed is breathtaking. so beautiful in his form. I watch him as he dreams. Does he dream of me? I'll never know. Beside him is a rose I left, to ensure him he will forever be mine. but I wonder if it will mean anything to him, anything at all. I dare not awake him. I linger at the bed side just observing him once more. Oh how remarkably beautiful he is! The mornings light shines through the window pane kissing his face as it illuminates his every feature. When he awakes i will know. He loves me, He loves me not.

Alone In The End ( Taken For Granted)

Thoughout my life I've gone through many things,
I've walked down different paths with many different people and what Ive realized is that in the long run you always end up where you started. Its almost like its choreographed or something. Someone or something new happens,they are the greatest thing that ever happened to you for a few weeks, the excitement dies down, then your right back where you started, alone. Now I know that may seem alittle on the "emo" side but lets think it over for a second. whenever a new oppertunity comes to play in your life your first reaction is to be excited( for most of us we are excited but we tend to hold back with alittle concerned observation.) It then becomes the new "oh my gosh, its so awesome!" stage where we cant stop thinking/talking about it for weeks on end. Then sadly what I've seen happen a lot after that is as soon as we feel comfortable with it, we take it for granted, expecting it to always be there ( or in another words the "Oh my gosh" moment suddenly becomes the "yah, Its pretty cool and all.." moment) and what used to be the main topic of your everyday conversation has shriveled dramaticly to just a pass time chat topic.
As sad as it may seem this happens all the time. I've witnessed it happen to more people than just myself, and you know what im talking about, the "almighty hot and spicy" relationship between two people that has them just dying to embrace and fulfill their most intimate and passionate thoughts/feelings/actions towards eachother that slowly dies into a "yah, I remember those times..." or a "He never says/does that anymore" kind of relationship.
What I mean by that is, the kind of relationship where you've done everything that could ever be done, you've said all there is to say, what was once your favorite traits are now your worst pet peeve, and you have somehow found yourself sick of eachother to the point of where if it came down to you having to look at his or her face again, you'd get manic depressive from the lack of excitment or change. That is what i mean by " the excitement dying down". which brings me to my conclusion of "ending up right back where you started" meaning in the end, you are at block one. you are alone and by yourself looking for some sort of change to happen just as you once did, alone and taken for granted.

The"L" Word

Wow! Its such a pretty thing!
No matter where I go, it always seems to find me!
I appreciate it greatly, I love it like the rain!
such a pretty word, i know this because
its the "L" word!
and the "L" word is love!

My Swamp Monster

My Dear Swamp Monster,



Even though you are homely to the world, you are still pretty to me. Sitting as I, a lonely soul, you examine nature's beauty. A sweet flower in which you've found in even the ugliest of places i know, you still tend to love it as if it were yours, making your heart its' home.
I see in you, your innocence, where your young ways still live strong, and that sweet little flower is me, loyal to you all along. I will forever be your friend,as you to I.
You, my dear swamp monster, I will describe,
a gentle creature at heart and a innocent at mind.

If Time Stood Still

If time stood still, I would hold my lover.
Tell him ill always be there.
If time stood still, I would hug my mother
and show how much I care.
If time stood still, I'd heal my father.
take all of his troubles away forever.
If time stood still, I'd love myself.
Be better than i have been before.
If time stood still, Id forget those filthy liars.
never trustworthy, backstabbers , of course.
If time stood still, id un-do all my mistakes.
give a little more instead of just take.
If time stood still, oh the things that i would chance.
for the better of myself
for the better of this place.

Drowning lessons( the Swamp)

Here I am. Stagnant. Strengthless.

Limply holding on to the only thing my hands would allow of me.

I lay there, half way on the bank, almost lifeless.

I am sinking. the water is rising like my fears.

sucking me in, refusing to lighten its grip.

Should i just let go? This monster will take me anyway.

Tears flood out of my eyes in anger.

The denial almost kills me quicker.

My body is sore. my hands are shaking and im not getting anywhere but underneath.

I am sick of lying to myself. no more denial,

so I let go.

sinking deeper, ive given up.

I will no longer resist.

I willl soon be nothing.

so i wait, letting it devour me like a sick disease.

Its filthy hands slowly pull me under.

No more of this denial.

No more me.

My Long Lost Friend(Time)

Like air, I breathe you in.
Its the closest Ive gotten to perfection for awhile.
I need you like a drug, my cure to lonliness.
A chance left waiting like an open door.
I will not spare a moment.
Step forth my friend, indulge me in your presence.
I've been needing you for quite awhile now.
Hold out your arms and accept me.
Speak to me as if you had everything to say.
Time is not timid, nor should you be.
Tell me of your journeys
where have you been all this time?
Dont answer that, it was intended for me.
Be my book of open pages, dont hide yourself from within.
I promise i will read you without judgement.
My friend you are all I have now.
I will share with you everything.
just as we once did.
No limitations, My personal Journal.
Make me feel alive once more,
Give me the chance to say the things i havent.
like Air i breathe you in.
you are my drug and i have been cured.

Obsession

I want to lose myself;

Lose myself within you

I want to be a part of you

Everlasting perfection.

I want to see through your eyes.

Peice by peice, observance.

I want to look like you

Mirror image, perfect porcelin figure

I want your words

Steal your toungues pleasure,

To say what you say, so meaningful.

Give yourself to me

I must have you

More than you accept of me

I will own you

Before your heart goes cold.

You are mine.

I Need You Like You Need Me

Hands clasped tightly upon my knees, I sit here.

Looking past the dark horizons, I manage to see a little light shine through.

Not much, but its something.

Its glows and I envy it.

So beautiful, I hope it last through this day.

Its quiet here, so quiet I can hear myself think.

I often think of you.

Wondering if you will ever return to this field of mine and sit with me once again.

With open arms, I would accept your loving embrace.

But it seems only but a dream now.

So long I've waited and you haven't returned.

These fields are all I've known since you've left.

Empty and silent.

Repeatedly, like always, it sways the time away, naive to the days end.

I too will wait here as these fields do.

Naive to your return.

Watching that little light shine through.

The Ponderer

I am only but a human upon this place called Earth. I have feelings, but what of they to feel if they are lost? For such a thing called time to be so decisive yet indecisive,it not only controls that of a human heartbeat but also as long as it may last. For some of us to cowar this thing called time is based upon the single fear of death itself. A fear that births its seedling into the depths of our mind waiting to grow and finally become that of a phobia. Then again we are but simple humans. Is that not what we are made for? To Question life and its exsistance? To challange that of one another to find its most vital meaning? Not even I could understand something so intricate as that. We've all questioned it at one point or another,the all mighty life force that keeps us alive or makes us age. The strenuous and capricious timeline in which we all must live and die to understand even the diminutive knowledge of what life holds before us.
sometimes the thought of it saddens me, To know that we've only contained that of which we've wanted to learn and nothing farther or deeper upon that. This world in which we live in, is inevitably larger than our mind compacity could withstand so therefore we limit ourselves only that to which we think we are capable of ,but what we have failed to realize is that we are as intricate as we allow ourselves to be. so for such a feeling to be lost is no longer for i have found it once more. It is the feeling to question. For I am The Ponderer.

Ravestar Dreamer ( hot lyrics, right?!)

Boom boom boom boom

let the bass fill the room

flashy lights, neon highs

raise your hands up in the sky

sweat drip, move your hips

ankle break and glowstick

shout it out, throw it down

get lost within this sound

lyrical hits, trance so hard

slow motion super star

drum and bass, hardstyle

like it fast, want it loud

kandi weddings, dance floor kiss

the way you move, unh tiss unh tiss

make some room cuz here i come

im a ravestar dreamer and the fun has just begun.

Miss Junglette (Allow me to introduce myself)

within this world,
this world of mine,
A restless tongue
speaks my mind.
givin the right,
givin the wrong
within my soul
is always a song
to lyrical taste
within these words
to never speak forth
without the verse
to which i am
Miss Junglette
a lyrical mastermind
to never forget.