I have been reborn

Behold! I am new and awakened. I have been "risen" out of the cold dark grave that I once lay. I no longer have these fears and anxieties of which I have spoke of so sickly. I have shed the skin which held the scars, hooks and demons. I am strong like a warrior before battle and I bleed now only for myself. I am free to trust in love and life once again. I have been given a second chance. I now stand without falling, for my feet are planted firmly on the ground. I am sad yet humbled to admit that the old me has died and been buried beneath the heavy dirt of my past. But worry not my friend, the new me has been gracefully born to take its place. I glow with the light of the heavens. My shoulders no longer aching with the weight of the chains that imprisoned me. I know now what it feels to fly. You ask of me how I did this  One answer. God.

http://lisabuffaloe.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Arise-and-shine-1024x768.jpg

something happy

there.haha lol.

better days

i know ive had better days.

wish the sun wouldnt leave this place.   

it rained outside my windowpane.

flowerpots with no flowers to claim.

clouds are out all black and grey

the doors are shut in their frames
it seems to me all the same
thoughts are fluid but no words to explain.
the bed is cold since you're away

the walls remind me of that day

i know i shouldve made you stay
i just wanted to hear you say
you love me most and nothings changed.
 i know ive had better days.

You

I loved you

you shot me down.

i needed you

you were no where to be found

i am so alone

fighting to be noticed

an empty house is not a home

its your name i call

but your zombified

can you hear me at all?

my heart aches

but you do not feel

into pieces it breaks

tears run cold
but you do not see
i reach out and do not recieve
i breathed you

you denied me the air

soffocating to make you care
i bleed you
the numbness i am
cut so deep, lost again

i felt you

but no responce to my touch

it is one sided. i felt myself.

I see you

the reflection of loss

cannot admit to the pain it caused.

I missed you

but my efforts are useless.

sink down into myself i guess.

i called you

but my voice went away

choked by the silence, i could not say.

i lived you

but you did not nurture

died at the thought, no more torture.

Father Of Mine

In all those moments when time stops and stands still, i know you will be with me. i am not afraid of this new silence because i can remember your words. how strong and true they were. when i am standing in the sand and it falls between my toes i will laugh and hold that feeling close, for you are in the sand. when i come to a difficult mountain and i haven't got the slightest idea on a way to climb, i will look to your advice,for you not only taught me how to climb but how to get to the top as well.

when our favorite song comes on, i will dance. i will dance like no one is watching because you live within the notes. you showed me how to be carefree and to have fun.

when i am scared and i have nothing left to turn to, i will remember you. i will remember how strong you were and how you never let me go. father, i am not afraid.

i am sad, but not afraid because i know that even at this very moment you are with me. ( probably even reading this over my shoulder). you are in the earth now. you are the waves that crash into me. you are the suns rays waking me in the morning. and you are even my mornings cup of coffee (recalling back to "dawn Patrol" ). i will always love you, father of mine.


R.I.P 
Rick Dutcher

Falling

Dimension through dimension.
the ground keeps coming closer.
I let go too soon
I couldn't do a damn thing.
sinking through.
hoping somewhere - somehow i can find some sort of surface to grab on to.
Falling.
i shut out the world and wait for the cold hard floor to meet my bones.
was i wrong?
was i wrong to anticipate?
it'll all be over soon.
hopefully i just might be better this way.
Falling.

Anam Cara

 My dear friend,

oh the troubles that have strewn.

i realize now more than ever how much i truly love you.

you are like a sibling that i want so desperately to protect.

I want to keep you out of harms way and hidden from the beasts of disguise.

i want to hush your cries, hold you close and wipe away those tears for good.

i want to hold your hand as you walk through the treacherous troubles fate can throw;

only to smile and tell you that you gave a hell of a fight, and that I'm proud.

but you and i both know i cannot always do that.

It is not my place to keep you from what is inevitable.

I have learned a lesson that i must first let you learn yours;

so that you will grow stronger from your hurt, just as i have.

No matter how badly i want to take that bullet i see before you or take away that throbbing heartache in your chest, i know that life has a plan for you and i must abide by the rules it has set forth.

My dear friend,

I do not worry ,however, because i know you are courageous.

i see that warrior that you have become. 

such a strong one at that.

I know when it comes wartime, you will put on your armor,raise your mighty sword and shield 

and fight your hardest. 

A champion you will be.

and even if you might have gotten a few deep cuts and bruises or maybe even a broken heart.

you will always my champion when the dust clears.

but you most also understand that with sweet victory, loses also lurk.

but do not fret, you will prevail.

i want you to understand that i care very much for you.

Equivalent to a mother's love for a child.

you are my only friend.

it saddens me to watch you go through pain and upset.

and it angers me that i can not rid you of all your stress.

Trust me, I would gladly do that in exchange for a smile or two.

but i believe fate has its own ways of "taking care" of those sorts of things.

It always does.

Through the years, i have watched you grow.

Turning from a innocent child and into a beautiful young adult.

i have shared many laughs and even tears with you.

none of which i would ever trade for anything in the world.

not only have i taught you but i have also learned from you as well.

you have shown me not to give up when there seems to be no hope;

to push through the closed doors of "impossible"and prove to the world just how possible it really was all along.

to stand tall when you feel short.

You have taught me what it means to care for someone as much as i do for you.

you are my dear friend, don't ever forget that

my sister, my sibling at heart.

my teacher, in so many different ways

                                                   my champion, raise that shield and sword.

but most of all you are my Anam Cara

(my soul friend).